The dirty thirties

So I have this song in my head :

“Mama said there’ll be days like this.
“There’ll be days like this,” my mama said……”

Hold on, my mama didn’t tell me shit! WTF! What is going on…………………..

So this blog was inspired by today’s events that got me thinking about other recent events……… The 30s seemed so distant to me in my 20s. Though the distance didn’t really bother me, I was apprehensive and neither was I looking forward to it……Age is just a number right?……….Ehhhhh….WRONG! I digress, here’s what happened… This morning I get up bright and early, go for my 3.5 km run ( one which I am very proud of I might say, running does not come naturally to me but the reason I do it will become more apparent as we go on). I take a shower, put on my roll on, perfume, moisturize my face and see some ‘darkness’ around my mouth, hmmm…. I look closer… WTF! Hair, the finest of all hairs admittedly but nonetheless I am growing whiskers! Again…WTF?! All I can do is burst out laughing, this is just all I need! Frickin whiskers! Well that’s just great!

Let me give you some background on it all…..I have been living in New Zealand for the last 10 years. Last March I turned 31, one year into the 30s, no worries mate as my fellow kiwis would say, it’s all good bro. On this same fine morning I have reason to trim my nether regions and I catch sight a something light, a grey hair! No, not just a grey hair. A thick blazing white hair! OMG, is this the beginning…….I am somewhat amused, not at all distressed. I share this with my husband who thinks it’s funny cause I am always going on about his age even though he is only two years older… I let this slide, I carry on……………

A few months into this I start a new job, after a few months I feel that when I get in and out of the  car my pants are little tighter than would be ideal…..At first I dismiss this and then I think, no let me make an effort to curtail this…. I am not a glutton, I watch what I eat without joining Jenny Craig and counting calories, I have good African genes that afford me the privilege of not going to the gym for toning but I still have my “Michelle Obama’ arms as they have been called but I acknowledge that I not supwerwoman.  So despite not being a morning person I convince myself I should go for a run in the morning to shed some weight and keep things ‘tight’. I choose not to go after work because by then I am tired, hungry and more likely than not, I won’t do it. So I start slowly but I get better and this routine serves me well. However I do notice that I am no longer a 26inch waist, I could stretch it to 28 but that would only be pushing it without much give!

This routine carries on and I am confident that we have things under control…… July 2011 we move to Vancouver…….that’s when the fun really starts! Apparently my powers of adaptability have sorely decreased…….. I can barely stay up past midnight, the 28 inch waist is steadily becoming a 30 inch waste, I no longer want to put myself though the torture of wearing heels to make my ass and legs look better and well….comfort is more of a priority…………….

So this morning when I saw my belated Movember I thought OMG I am not adapting well, is it too cold and my ‘whiskers’ are apart of evolution, I am becoming a man…….. I e-mail my girlfriend in state of high alert and she casually replies back……’That’s was happens when you approach the mid-thirties……..”!

Oh dear…it all makes sense now……

Why didn’t anyone send me the memo?