You’re not as important as you think you are

24 Jan

Apologies for not writing sooner. As my fellow Zimbabweans will understand I have been suffering from January disease. The social, emotional & financial high of the holidays can often make it difficult to dust off & carry on after the inevitable reflection of the previous year brings you down…..

Anyhoo, I can’t go as far as to say I invented the term ‘You’re not as important as you think you are’ but sure has become my mantra. A direct result of the most important & painful lessons learnt in my 20s. We’ve all been there before, the hurt of feeling slighted by another’s action. They should have been more thoughtful, sensitive, considerate , blah, blah blah………….Especially after all you’ve done for them, all you’ve been through, how could they! Well………they did!

It started off with minor things like hearing after the fact that friend had a dinner party and you didn’t make the guest list. A few people I thought were friends became pregnant, had baby showers, gave birth and my first knowledge of it all was bumping into them at the supermarket………the awkward introductions and acknowledgments of the little tikes further decreased the temperature at the cold meats counter. I even heard that one so-called friend had a dinner party to announce a pregnancy! Needless to say, I didn’t make the cut. Another I would have dropped everything for at a moment’s notice announced an engagement and in all excitement I planned on what I would wear at the wedding. Being ‘next-of-skin’ I assumed my invitation was in the mail, I happily spoke to her family members about the pending nuptials and as a result was somehow involved every step of the way. The invitation never arrived, the wedding date came and went …………….thank goodness I didn’t actually buy that dress!

I guess saying that ‘I am not as important as I think I am’ is not entirely accurate. It may be a case of setting the right expectations or perhaps not having at all. Often I think we feel hurt / disappointed because people fall short of our expectations, we set bars and standards which the other party may not even be aware of and then when they don’t meet them, we blame them! How could they! How dare they! I do the same with my husband, I am trying to be better (I promise), but I used to get all worked up about things he didn’t do / properly / ‘now-not-tomorrow’ but then I began to ask myself why I was forcing things on him and then being angry that he hadn’t done them. When analyzed, it seldom makes sense. There are those few incidences that can be put down to PMS but mostly it’s just plain irrational and unfair. So then we have to ask ourselves, is it really fair to feel this way. Maybe the reason these people seem to disappoint you so is because you want them to be you…………….lady, that ain’t gonna happen!

So the next time someone ‘lets you down’ try and be objective, try and look at it from another angle, try to see if maybe, just maybe it’s you and not them…………………………I think you’ll be surprised at what you find.


3 Responses to “You’re not as important as you think you are”

  1. Iris January 25, 2012 at 9:11 am #

    Does being cool about stuff like this come with age? If so, I hope my dose of zen is still in the mail…

    “why can’t they do things the way I’d do them?” – I know that song very well. And the disappointment / annoyance that comes with it.

    So true about having to take a step and realize that your perspective might not be the only right one. I’m going to go for that more in 2012. Starting…now.


  2. February 8, 2012 at 12:59 am #

    Love the post. So true! We don’t live in social bubbles, but life really is about meeting others half way. It’s all in the art of learning and understanding other people, and thus learning how to interact with them. Cultural context plays largely into all this.


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